Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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