I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
