Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
