i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
