Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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