hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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