so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
