I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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