Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
