I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my being single is dangerous.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
