is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
two words...techno handjob
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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