I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
