Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How does it feel to date your dad?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
