Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
