The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
