in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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