Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
how drunk are you?
Several
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
