I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
