In America we eat man semen.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Who died my cat blue again?
I need to align my fucking chakras
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
