Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
