OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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