If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
