her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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