whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
