My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
