youre lurking in front of me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
