I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
