Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
