Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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