Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
