my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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