Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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