I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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