Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
