maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
