I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
