Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
