youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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