maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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