My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
