I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
