They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
