so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
