how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
