with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
