i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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