I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
