hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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