i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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