I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
