he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
