those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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