I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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